Distance makes the heart grow fonder

After dating for six months, she told him she was going to be out of the country for six months and, consequently, should break up. He replied that he loved her and, no, they shouldn't break up. She sent this message the next day.

 

[XY],

You said that your intentions were for something more serious from the beginning.  So were mine.  I, like you, was not looking for a months-long fling or anything of that sort.  But I’m afraid that we have come to different realizations.  I’m sorry that I cannot return the same feelings back for you but I’m just not feeling it.  You said that we should go w/ what we feel (not how long we’ve been together) and I ultimately agree (even though I still believe that time also plays an important role b/c you can’t love or even like somebody until you get to know them better).  You (rhetorical you) don’t know in advance what’s gonna happen or how you’re gonna feel months down the road and I had no way of knowing that I would come to this conclusion when I first met you.  I like you a lot and we’re compatible and get along for the most part but something is missing.  It is what it is and I have to be honest with you about my feelings.  I’ve been thinking about this ever since I started considering out-of-the-country placements for this fellowship and it’s not just about the distance.  I’m sorry, my intention is not to hurt you in any way, but I have to be honest with myself and with you.  I hope that you understand. 

-[XX]

Thinking is hard

The awkwardness the writer refers to is his girlfriend's grandparent dying and another one being diagnosed with cancer. 

 

Hey, sorry I havent been in touch but I've needed time away from facebook and the phone to think, heads been all over the place and just needed a break from it all. I dont feel like things between us can or will work out, and I just think its better for both of us that nothing goes on. I feel bad that this has come at an awkward time, and I apologise for this, but I felt that I needed to say this too. I hope you dont hate me for this, but I understand if you do. I hope we can stay in touch and be friends, I just dont feel anything more will develop. Again I'm sorry I did it in an email, but I dont find it easy saying things when I'm actually on a phone or face to face. Yeah I'm probably a cunt for how I did it and I can accept that.

[XY].

All over the shop

At least I learned a new phrase from this contributor's disappointment.

 

Hey [XY].
 
How are you? I'm still working!!! So I wanted to let you know I have a meeting with one of my clients tomorrow morning so I'm going to stay at mum's after we have family dinner tonight so that I can borrow her car in the morning.
 
I feel bad about how unavailable I am at the moment. It's actually making me feel a bit stressed. I think about you every day but just don't have the time to do anything social.
 
I think I just need to be single at the moment. I can't believe how much work I'm getting at the moment and it's thrilling for me to think my business could actually become a real thing where I could employ people etc etc. I can see that if things keep heading in this direction then that's where it will end and I'm really happy about that.
 
I'm sorry. I guess my heads all over the shop and I don't think I can be with anyone right now.
 
I feel very bad. I'm sorry.
 
[XX] x

It's not you. It's me and, well, a bunch of other things.

The recipient of this message said she thought, "Oh, how sweet. He sent me an email." 

 

Let me just start by saying that i'm not emailing you to avoid talking to you, but i just want to make sure i cover everything i need to say.

I guess our last conversation left me to thinking and led to lots of analysis about myself and past relationships.  The gist of it is, basically, my drinking did in fact destroy 2 live-in relationships of about 3 years each.  Not such a great track record.  Both of these girls loved me, and i them, but in the end, we could not get through the tough times which i undoubtedly was mostly responsible for - due to depression and drinking.  The drinking problem is not the root of my problems, i know that.  It is an immediate crutch that i go for anytime i feel like i need an escape.  My problems as you know are quite deeply rooted, and will not be solved overnight or by just cutting out the booze.  I am afraid constantly of hurting myself, and i certainly hate that I hurt others along the way.

I know you care about me, and I also care about you.  Most of all, I really dont want to screw up your life, or be a source of stress and pain in your future.

What I think is the best for both of us, is to stop this casual relationship we have stumbled into.  You need to move on with your life with respect to dating etc... and find yourself someone who is in the same place you are.  

As for me, i need to cut out the drugs and booze, get myself a therapist, and focus on attaining a place where i can be happy and content with myself and achievements.  Honestly at this point, I don't think I can be in any type of romantic relationship, likely not for quite a while.  I fear that no matter what the circumstance, I will be a burden to any partner, it just wouldn't be fair.  

So, not sure where that leaves us.  Hope we can still hang out, because i really do enjoy your company.  Maybe not right away, might be a bit weird.  I think we need some time to come to grips with things and move on.

Not sure if I covered all i wanted to say at this point, but i think it is mostly all there.  Just want to let you know that I'm sorry for the rollercoaster ride, and that you've been great to me the whole time.  Feel free to call me anytime, or not, up to you.  But i hope we can talk in the near future at least.

[XY].