These thirtysomethings had been dating for 2 1/2 months until a silence on his part over a day or so got her attention. When she asked what was going on, he said that he was uncomfortable with "serious relationships." She decided to end things then and there. Although he got her to do the breaking up for him, she smartly didn't let it drag on. Here's what he wrote her the next day.
Subject: Some words. (I hope this finds you I couldn't remember if new address was yahoo or hotmail.)
I'm writing because there are some things I need to share.
Not because I feel like you need to be consoled or because I'm trying to make things easier. I know you're a strong, confident woman. And you don't need consoling from me.
I'm writing these things because if I don't share them, these words will swirl about in my head forever.
And I'm writing because I guess I've learned over the years that it's better to err on the side of too much communication than not enough. Too much communication rarely seems to lead to regrets. Not enough communication almost always does. And I felt like I wasn't communicating very well yesterday.
So, I just want to say that I really enjoyed the time we spent together. You are truly an amazing person. When I've told friends and family about you, I'd say something like, "She's beautiful, fun, talented, smart but not stuffy, meaning she's well-educated but also likes silly stuff like gossip mags and TV." Which is a wonderful combination. I really like the fact that you enjoy live music so much. And your support of my music really meant a lot. Seriously. It was motivating and comforting and greatly appreciated. I really like the fact that you have such cool artistic talents like writing and drawing. I never got a chance to read your writing (other than your kickass captions) but your drawings are really, really freakin' cool. Your style is awesome. And I believe you could have a super cool greeting card line should you choose to pursue it. I really like how well you cook and bake. Delicious. I really like how sexy you are. And open. And fun. And sexy. Delicious.
So what's the problem then? Truth is, I don't know. I recognize all these wonderful things about YOU. But with regards to US, I haven't felt the feelings necessary to get to the next level in our relationship. I wish I could put my finger on it but I haven't. As I think I sorta mentioned on the phone, I've tried not to think ahead. I've tried to avoid thinking too much. I've tried to live in the moment more because in the past thinking ahead seemed to affect my present. And if I worried about where a relationship was going or if it was going faster than I was comfortable, I'd
subconsciously, unintentionally sabotage it start acting aloof or cold, even though I really didn't feel that way. It was how I'd put the brakes on a relationship without even knowing I was doing so.
I got that uneasy feeling like maybe we weren't on the same level in the last week or two. But, again, I didn't want to think too much. Because I didn't want to fall into that trap. I've been in that situation before and it really became miserable for both of us. It ultimately resulted in a lot of pain.
In retrospect, maybe I should've mentioned it as soon as I felt it with you. That would've been more honest and living in the present.
When we were talking on the phone yesterday, I felt like I'd rather end things now and absorb the hurt now than to have a relationship continue on differing levels. Again, I've been in that situation and it sucks.
So, even though I still care for you and like you and enjoy your company immensely and already miss you, I feel like I'd rather say goodbye than be in an uneven relationship again.
I don't know if these words make me come off as an asshole or screwed up or what. I wrote them because I had to get them out of my head.
Maybe these words have brought a little clarity. Maybe not at all.
Maybe you find these words insincere. I hope not.
I wrote them with admiration, affection and respect.